Sounds of ‘the Hunger’

butterfly-golden-soul-leaving-body

golden butterfly is significant of a soul leaving the body, not just through death but through sleep, or out of body experiences called astral projection

Sounds of ‘the Hunger’
by j.kiley

Sounds of ‘the Hunger’
— a sensual response.
Shadow & soul bring immortality
as they both sing.
And in rhyming harmonies
their story they bring.
Alive with words of tales
from bells that ring.
Of truth unfolding out
from the Green of Spring.
A new rebirth is offered
and received in welcoming arms.
Away — fly away
following the offering
of many things.
Off you go
upon the strength
of a passing butterfly’s
gliding wings.

© j.kiley

Chapter 18 from “Private Writings”
Written by Jennifer Kiley

Epilogue “Private Writings” [Special Message] EN FIN

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

EPILOGUE
PRIVATE WRITINGS: A NOVEL OF TRUE FANTASY
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 4th November 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

1 alice-down-the-rabbithole [use best one]

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

blue dreams (c) jkm 2014

blue dreams (c) jkm

Epilogue
[only meant for the seers to understand time to come]

I feel a need to end this part of the journey with one last jolting note. As I was prepared to spend my day with Alison and Scottie I checked my emails. There was one from Annie. Her e-mail stated: “My husband is missing in action. He has been MIA since I first arrived in Europe a few weeks ago. It seems like centuries. We meet as soul mates through the oddest circumstances. Something needs to be done about it. I will be home when the two years are up. Honest. I mean it. Love, Annie.”

I don’t know what to make of the words Annie wrote. What does this all mean? We’ll all find out together.

For now this is all I want to write.

But this is far from over. I believe we will all be together again.

Love,

Madison

(c) jkm 2014

[for me this statement means more to me now than ever] “I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker

AN Afterthought I feel needs to be said before I stop writing for now. It is a letter filled with my feelings for you, Annie Haskell. You were my psychoanalyst but you were also my friend. I built up such intense feelings for you. I wrote this in hopes someday you may understand how being with you made me feel about you.

Dear Annie,

I believe I am in love with you. After the last time I saw you, I went someplace where I could be alone with my thoughts only of you. You looked so beautiful. Your smile showed me you really cared. It wasn’t a pay by the hour arrangement between us that makes you care. You do care for me as I do for you.

I want to feel your arms around me, holding me close to you. And I want to feel my arms pulling you close into my body. It feels so right for us to share these brief moments. They are timeless. The feelings stayed within me when I had to leave.

What part of me stayed behind with you?

Can we share this feeling of love someday again? Together can we be in love & feel it is alright to feel so close. I only imagine you feel this way but inside, deep inside my heart, I hold you forever.

This very moment, I would like to feel my lips touching your skin. Kissing your lips. In this moment, I want the sensations to start & never end. I want you to be mine forever. But I don’t want to own you or claim all of your time. I just want to feel our love together.

Always,
Madison

Ps. I love you Annie. Always & Forever. Are you the One? I feel the answer is yes.


Coming Back To Life – David Gilmour – Royal Albert Hall

 

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

 *       *       *       *       *       *       *

[Final Chapter] Private Writings: Chapter #85 A Momentary Pause

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

“A Momentary Pause”
Private Writings #85
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 28th October 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

1 alice-down-the-rabbithole [use best one]

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #84 — “A Momentary Pause”

Tuesday 21st April 2009

Dear Maria,

Homecoming for Me. Scottie is throwing me her most outrageous party to date. All is well  but only temporarily. Nightmares need to be traveled through to get to the lighter side. I look forward to working with you, Maria Lopez Falcón. I need time to  recover. With your help, I will find my world again and get back to my future time to come and enjoy my new growth. Working on my play and then my screenplay. That will be a tell all. The play about a transsexual in transition. Fun times. If we remember how hard it is to be alive.

The end is near. No more to write today. I want to join the party. So for now Good Night.

Su Loca Cliente

Madison

© Madison Taylor 2008

*       *       *       *       *       *       *


Coming Back To Life – David Gilmour – Royal Albert Hall

 

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher - Home to Madison & Scottie Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie
Their Cats & daughter Alison. She also has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

 *       *       *       *       *       *       *

Private Writings: Chapter #84 “The Conspirators”

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

“The Conspirators”
Private Writings #86
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 14th October 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

1 alice-down-the-rabbithole [use best one]

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #84 — “The Conspirators”

Tuesday 21st April 2009

Dear Maria,

I am writing this letter to “Whom It May Concern” at the FBI. I am sending this, as the accuser, with know witnesses, to you at the FBI and to the Mastermind of a Secret Organization. I will explain. There have been an innumerable number of assassinations/murder for hire & sacrifice. One of these murders took place at “LE FEAST” an annual event for WUFFDE. Invitation only. Rotating locations. This past one at the Auction following, the painting “Vase with Lychnisny” by Vincent Van Gogh, missing from WWII was on the block. It is also when my friend Angela Huntington was being murdered. She dies later but it happened at “Le Feast.”

Van_Gogh_-_Vase_mit_Pechnelken

Van Gogh “Vase with Lychnisny”

But then you know all of this information don’t you Clifford Huntington.

How many others have been destroyed in your groups ways of illumination. The Empyreum, I believe your underground organization as to by the Rich and Famous. How ma are you responsible for. In another way of asking, How many wanted people taken out for their own personal success. Even you had to sacrifice. Who did you let go to the chopping block. The injection club. The crash & burn club? Lost count.

What about the auction the The Feast. A painting lost in the war was put up for bid to attract millions. Maybe even a billion dollars. What painting did you have this year? None other that a [“Vase with Lychnis” by Vincent Van Gogh]. It’s outrageous the way you flaunt your wealth and power. It must cease. We know who you are. We know from the inside.

That is all I wish to say.

The Secret Keeper

Ps. Directly to the FBI. You cannot have declared all that these Degenrates have done as accidents or suicides. INVESTIGATE. But you won’t. They don’t want you to.

© Madison Taylor 2008

*       *       *       *       *       *       *


The Godfather Theme Song

 

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher - Home to Madison & Scottie Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie
Their Cats & daughter Alison. She also has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

 *       *       *       *       *       *       *

black_shamrock_ribbon green reverse

Private Writings: Chapter #81 “Fighting the End”

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

“Fighting the End”
Private Writings #81
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 30th September 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

1 alice-down-the-rabbithole [use best one]

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #81 — “Fighting the End”

Tuesday 24th March 2009

Dear Maria,

It is our first session, Maria Lopez Falcón, it rolls off the tongue. So, you are my new therapist. I’m not in the best states. My mind is frazzled from having my soul sucked out through my eyes by way of my heart & stomach. Annie is gone. I can’t bear to think she has gone off to be in the line of crazy people with bombs & ammunition for their multiple kill apparatus. She doesn’t know where Noah is, her husband the CIA. I think that is supposed to be hush-hush. No one releases that information unless his cover has been compromised. I heard today they’ve killed over 50 journalists. Probably thought they were spies.

So I’m here reporting for duty & really depressed. The dark side of my bipolar is taking over. Losing Annie is destroying me. Losing someone I feel close to.

After i got out of session today, i realized you were trying to make me feel safe so i would feel less restricted from opening up. We have a lot of common interests. Films, TV, books, fun fiction, especially vampires for you For me fantasy with romance & supernatural ghosts i most enjoy. Not one out to do bad. The freely confused kind. Do i seem strange to you? It’s ok. Doesn’t make me feel inferior. Its cool to like who we do. It’s original.

Now that i am home and alone, the feelings have deteriorated into suicidal feelings. Tonight is the night i finally just do it, I’ve got the pills, the warm bath, champagne & a rather sharp knife. I didn’t forget the pot either. No to get naked and just do it.

I wrote the final letters. One for Jamie, Scottie, Alison, Annie, Catherine & one for myself. To go to Maria Lopez Falcón. I love to say the name.It’s time to know when to make an exit. It freaks people out. Why? I’m the one who is dying. It’s time to see the other side.’if it is at all possible to send a message i will. But will i make you understand.

I’d like to stick around to know you. Maybe another time around. Next life.

The pills are swallowed. The bath is drawn. Music chosen & playing. Check letters are written. Smoke some weed. Time to climb into the bath & slit my wrists. I would just slip away with no pain. I will leave behind all the loses.

Good night. It was quite the ride.

Fondly, M…

The End

© Madison Taylor 2008

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker


Maksim – Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher - Home to Madison & Scottie Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie
Their Cats & daughter Alison. She also has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

Private Writings: Chapter #79 “In Our Hours of Darkness”

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

“In Our Hours of Darkness”

Private Writings #79

Written by Jennifer Kiley

Post Tuesday 16th September 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT

Not Suitable For Children.

ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.

Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead

Is Purely Coincidental.

1 alice-down-the-rabbithole [use best one]

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #79 — “In Our Hours of Darkness”

Tuesday 10th March 2009

Dear Annie,

I am overcome with grief. Alison has finally opened her eyes and returned from her coma after that horrible crash. I cannot believe Sylvia never regained consciousness. Her brain swelling caused too much damage. She was driving. There never really was much hope for her. Her coma was always thought to be irreversible. She registered no brain activity from the start.

Catherine gave permission to release her organs. The crash has been under investigation for foul play since the beginning. Something caused the car to go out of control and for some reason it picked up speed and then stopped suddenly. Stopping short caused the car to flip over countless times.

Alison and Sylvia were literally crushed inside the car. It is a miracle Sylvia even made it to the hospital, her injuries were so severe. Alison’s life was always in the question zone. But after regaining consciousness, she told everyone that she was being questioned in a Way Station. If she didn’t answer correctly, she would never return from her coma. Alison felt she was not going to make it. She felt for sure that she was going to die.

Hearing Alison telling her story was devastating to me. Everyone close to Alison, especially Scottie were by her side the whole time. And her new fans were growing in number. They had been sending flowers and emails. Leaving candles, flowers & cards outside of the hospital. Scottie had her assistant send most of the flowers to other patients in the hospital in critical condition and to the children who were patients separated from their families.

I had been sitting vigil since Alison was admitted into the ICU. First at Redcliff & now at Cedar Sinai. Once I arrived at the hospital after being given a leave from Redcliff, I had the hospital set her up in a private suite for myself, Scottie & Jamie. When Alison woke up, we all intended to be the first face she looked into.

I know this feels like a rehash of everything but I need to write about it. That makes me feel like I’m doing something. And now that Alison is awake and talking, I just listen. She has a lot of bandages on her face and all over the place. I am afraid to see what has happened to her. She resembles the bride of Frankenstein. I’m trying to be humorous but it really isn’t funny.

Any way, I need you now. Please be there for me. I will see you in therapy once before I have to go back to Redcliff. I don’t look forward to the second but the first, I am very excited.

The police just showed up at the hospital. They have some news about the accident. It wasn’t an accident but somebody shot out a tire. They did it in such a way that it was very hard to detect. They feel someone was waiting in the grassy knoll just across from where the car was driving past. I know that sounds weird and too much like JFK but there you have it.

In all our last communications you said you had to tell me about something at our next session. That it was something serious. You have me worried. What is this all about? I hope you don’t say something neither one of us want to hear.

I have to go for now to be with Alison. So I will write more to you later.

Love,

Madison

@>-;–

© Madison Taylor 2009

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker

Maksim – Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry[Dedicated to Alison & Sylvia]

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”

— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher - Home to Madison & Scottie Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie
Their Cats & daughter Alison. She also has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

black_shamrock_ribbon green reverse

 *       *       *       *       *       *       *

Private Writings: Chapter #77 – “All Troubles Seem Close But Far Away”

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

“All Troubles Seem Close But Far Away”
Private Writings #77
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 2nd September 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

1 alice-down-the-rabbithole [use best one]

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #77 —
“All Troubles Seem Close But Far Away”

Tuesday 24th February 2009

Dear Annie,

All is going wrong. Sylvia is beyond returning to life. She is on a ventilator but her brainwaves have ceased to exist. They have stopped registering that there is any brain functioning at all.

Catherine Leighton & I have talked a great deal since we both met up at Cedar Sinai to see what has happened to both our daughters in the same car crash. Alison seems to be holding on as tightly as she is able. Her vitals are weak but not impossible to recover from.

But the same is not true for Sylvia. After we finished our talk, for the moment, Catherine has made the decision to pull the plug on Sylvia. I can see in Catherine’s eyes, it is a decision she has come to terms with. She doesn’t want to tell the doctors her resolve. She asked if I could join her when she did. Of course, I told her I would be there for her now and any time she needed me.

I realize through Catherine’s insight that Alison may still be in a coma but her vitals are so promising. It feels to me a strong, deep feeling, that she was holding steady. She may still be in critical condition but she has been removed from her ventilator and began breathing almost immediately on her own. They just needed to clear her air waves. All the signs were showing promise.

But now I must be there for Catherine. She is devastated at the thought of losing her daughter. She knew after the crash, Sylvia would never be the same. She had really lost her mental bearings and now her body was destroyed by the crash. Catherine never realized just how strongly Sylvia wanted to die and how she was more and more destructive toward the end.

The doctors joined Catherine and I in Sylvia’s room. She was a shadow. There was a darkness that surrounded her. I feared this. I took Catherine aside and told her my fear that her daughter, Sylvia, was surrounded by the darkness. We needed to prepare her so they wouldn’t be able to pull her toward them after she was disconnected from life support and her life. I was afraid they would grab a hold of her spirit and take it where it would never be found again.

We both meditated, trying to contact Sylvia’s spirit. Show her that she was not hated or forgotten. We both wanted her to find peace. I wanted Scottie and Jamie to join us. They were reluctant but they realized what it would mean to Catherine to be their for her and her daughter.

We all sat on chairs in a circle holding hands. We couldn’t use candles because of the oxygen and being in a hospital. We were fortunate enough to be offered the generosity and spirit of 3 women and 4 men who practiced Reiki. While we meditated and held hands, the Reiki was performed over Sylvia’s lifeless body. The ventilator still pumping air into a body that needed it no longer.

After the 7 Reiki women and men left us alone, Jamie said softly that she knew a ritual her grandmother had taught her just before she had died. It was part Wiccan and the Good Sense that her Grandmother had been blessed with. Jamie recited the ritual from memory while we all held hands and listened. All we needed to do was after each verse we were to say: “May the Spirit find her way home.” That sounded reassuring.

Here are the verses as follows as Jamie recited them. Each verse being one line:

“We know it is a time of sadness for those who are left behind.” Jamie spoke.

“May the Spirit find her way home.” The three of us, Catherine, Scottie & myself, spoke quietly.

“Keep in mind you are sending a loved one into the protection of those on the other side who went before her.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“We call all who can hear us on the other side to come forward and to welcome our sister when she is ready to depart.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“It is a great loss for this world to lose her but it is her time.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“Give comfort to our sister for she will not understand what is happening.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“She will not understand that death has chosen her to come amongst them.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“Protect her from the shadows for they want to rob her of an afterlife of peace which she is deserving to partake in.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“Hold her in your spiritual arms and rock her as she becomes familiar with her new home.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“Give her love and guidance when she needs it and even before she asks for it.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“She belongs to you now. Take her carefully into your womb and love her forever.”

“May the Spirit find her way home.”

“It is finished. She is gone from us and in her new home. No longer is she in this body we so cherish. Goodbye dear one. Love is with you now and forever.

“May the Spirit find her way home. This we hope has happened and is forever.”

Everyone started crying as Catherine instructed the doctors it was time to pull the plug. Sylvia Kendall had passed from this world.

Sadness Annie,

Love,

Madison

@>-;–

© Madison Taylor 2008

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker


Maksim – Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry[Dedicated to Sylvia Kendall]

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher - Home to Madison & Scottie Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie
Their Cats & daughter Alison. She also has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana