A Portrait of Hollywood Royalty

Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and Debby Reynolds (2016)

HBO decided to move up their presentation of Bright Lights – Originally to be shown in March 2017. HBO instead will have their first showing of Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and Debby Reynolds on the 7th January 2017 @ 8:00pm to 9:35pm (95m – 1h 35m) EST.

The need for more immediacy seemed essential after losing Carrie Fisher at age 60 from a massive heart attack. The details are readily available from other sources. The remarkable ending to her life broke the many hearts of those who loved and respected who she was in life. Someone remarked, read her books again or for the first time to get the real inside of Carrie Fisher. She was direct, witty, honest, opened up her life to help others who were living similar nightmares. As Princess Leia she showed a woman could take care of herself. Man didn’t need to rescue her, she rescued them. She stood up for us all and is an inspiration the way in which she chose to live her life. I went down a similar road and with her openness, it helped me to make it through to the great place I am in my life. Nothing is perfect but when you can achieve your own goals, needing help from others is perfectly fine. It’s better to have someone to love who loves you in return. It makes life special.  She was an advocate for Mental Illness (Dysfunction) and enabled people to come forward after her death and declare on Twitter they were bipolar or had PTSD or suffered from Depression and much more. Many of these people risked highly visible careers by doing it under the hashtag #InHonorOfCarrie. She gave people support with her books and coming out by talking about her bipolar and the ECT she had frequently. Her intentions were to try to eliminate the stigma. She freed people from feeling like outcasts. Her life was always giving to her family and the world. She is our Princess Now. I was crushed when I read the headlines and repeatedly said No – louder and louder,  feeling like I was losing my mind. This could not be possible. Unimaginable.

The next day after Carrie Fisher’s death the news came in her mother Debby Reynolds was being taken to the hospital via ambulance. A short time later, my partner received a news release stating: Debby Reynolds is dead. The news went beyond any reasonable belief.

I have had time to watch Carrie’s Wishful Drinking performance on HBO. Next came deciding to buy the Original Star Wars Trilogy in Blu-Ray. I haven’t been able to open the package. In time I will. I did decide to rewatch the film Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The first time was before any of this was happening. Bought her most current book release The Princess Diarist and also Shockoholic. Reading her words makes me feel in touch with her. So it is a good suggestion to grieve, if you are, to fill up your soul with who she presented to the world. And that always seemed to be the inside story.

Carrie tried to remove the stigma of Mental (Illness) Dysfunction. We are who we are. She didn’t let people make her be less of who she was. She is still all around us.

Debby Reynolds is her brilliant mother, a Hollywood Movie Star from the old school. Sometimes I just wish there were a way to create an atmosphere for the film world to not be so oppressive to women or other minorities. The film world has room for the diversity. Also to make more optimistic stories we can escape into. Reality is bad enough sometimes, we need books and films to help us get away from the harshness of life. There is nothing wrong with needing to escape and doing it. Entertainment should be for everyone. Debby Reynolds grew up in the old star system and then it gradually disappeared. For something which had grown in strange ways, the old Hollywood, the new one has left the building. It’s up to Independent Film makers to continue telling the stories now. Occasionally, a film is made one can feel comfortable when watching. There is nothing wrong with that either.

Debby Reynolds was Hollywood Royalty and Carrie Fisher was born into one of the most well know Royal Families. Now they are gone and so are all the others pretty much. Losing part of our childhood and losing someone from within our own age, it was too soon for Carrie to go but since she did and her mother did not want to be without her, she left the very next day. No one would ever part them. Now the disturbance in the Force is beginning to heal from the sadness and tears. The more we just let them both be alive in our memories through all the gifts they left for us , it will keep them alive as long as we remember. – j.kiley 2017

Debby Reynolds at theend of Singin' In The Rain' running up the aisle. She turns when she hears Gene Kelly acknowledging her as the Star. She became a Star due to this film and she became a Star within the film.

Debby Reynolds at the end of Singin’ In The Rain’ running up the aisle. She turns when she hears Gene Kelly acknowledging her as the Star. She became a Star due to this film and she became a Star within the film. Debby’s face says it all – losing two such remarkable women.


Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia (Center) Harrison Ford as Han Solo (Right) Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker (Left) in the Original Star Wars (Episode IV): A New Hope. Carrie became a star as Princess Leia at 19 years. Her mom Debby Reynolds became a Star at 19 years in Singin’ In The Rain. Both married Famous Jewish Singers. They were bound in life by love and exited life a day apart. “They so couldn’t live life without each other that they couldn’t die without each other, either.” (NYTimes article 12.29.16 ‘The Unsinkable Debby Reynolds’… I mean in a film she survived the Titanic.) A remarkable love affair beyond anyone’s understanding but theirs.


Just take in their love for each other. (2015) Debby and Carrie. A beautiful sight.


Sag Awards for Debby Reynolds to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award 2015. She was unable to be present due to an illness for the same honor from the Academy Awards. Carrie was very careful to protect her mom, who was very fragile. Photo left to right are Carrie Fisher – Debby Reynolds – Billie Lourd (also an actress in her own right – check IMdB)


Carrie Fisher with her service dog Gary. Billie Lourd, Carrie’s daughter and Debby’s Granddaughter, is caring for Gary now.

Bright Lights Trailer

Remembering John Lennon 💔


John Lennon – Instant Karma (We All Shine On)

Today, Thursday 8th December 2016, is the unfortunate Anniversary of John Lennon’s Assassination. It happened around 10:50 p.m. (EST) on 8 December 1980, as John Lennon and Yoko Ono returned to their New York apartment in the Dakota. Mark David Chapman shot Lennon in the back four times in the archway of the building. Lennon was taken to the emergency room of the nearby Roosevelt Hospital. John Lennon was pronounced dead on arrival at 11:00 p.m. (EST). Earlier that evening, Lennon had autographed a copy of Double Fantasy for Chapman.


'maggie the cat'

‘maggie the cat’

I decided to simultaneously post on ‘Off the Rails – Track 451’, and ‘the secret keeper’, on the 8th of December, to show a solidarity for John Lennon as the Artist, Writer, Song Writer, Poet, Philosopher, and the remarkable Being we were blessed to experience in our life times and all who will continue to remember him. maggie-the-cat-paw-print1Last year, 2015, John would have been 75. I wonder what John Lennon would have gone on to create if Chapman had never been born.


John Lennon 1980

John Lennon – Stand By Me

Simultaneously posting on ‘Off the Rails – Track 451’ on 8th December 2016

Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address

The day the words of The Gettysburg Address by Abraham Lincoln, at the site of the Battle of Gettysburg, were spoken 153 years today, November 19, 2016, then 1863. We are still struggling to find that Freedom Lincoln was trying to bring to us all. We will continue to join forces in protest against those who would like to see some people not quite so equal as others, when in Lincoln’s words ‘all (wo)men are created equal . . .’ We will continue to work toward bringing about true equality for all. No silver towers to escape to. We must all contribute to the future of the Planet Earth. Eliminating poverty, hunger, homelessness, war, dictatorships, ignorance, police states, terrorism, and other senseless killings. We need to educate and find peace for humans, animals, nature, and the planet, or everything will eventually be destroyed. I would like to predict Hillary Clinton is the United States First Woman President and there will be many more women taking on the challenge in future elections. Some while we are still alive and others on into a distant future

'maggie the cat'

‘Maggie the Cat’ | Roars & Purrs

when maybe all will be equal and there will be no ownership of labor but a shared economy with equality and a good life for all. Here’s to Peace. No more wars someday. We just have to stop The Military Industrial Complex from forcing us to engage in maggie-the-cat-paw-print1any future conflicts and to end all others.

Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address November 19, 1863

Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address November 19, 1863

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate — we cannot consecrate — we cannot hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Abraham Lincoln
November 19, 1863

Let’s Celebrate Bastille Day 14th July

1789 --- by Jean-Pierre Houel --- Image by © Gianni Dagli Orti/CORBIS

1789 — by Jean-Pierre Houel — Image by © Gianni Dagli Orti/CORBIS

The Storming of the Bastille occurred in Paris, France, on the afternoon of 14 July 1789. The medieval fortress and prison in Paris known as the Bastille represented royal authority in the centre of Paris. The prison contained just seven inmates at the time of its storming but was a symbol of the abuse of the monarchy: its fall was the flashpoint of the French Revolution. It was during the rule of Louis XVI.

In France, Le quatorze juillet (14 July) is a public holiday, usually called Bastille Day in English.

Viva la Revolution

❤ 💕 💓 💗 💞 🎂 💖 ♠ ♥ ♦ ♣ 👑 💫 💨 ⌚ 🎩 🍔 🌌 🎢 🌈 🌠


Happy 14th July – Bastille Day Birthday to our wonderful baby female kitten Eliot – only kitten born in a litter to Garbo – she was unable to be spayed due to health reasons & she was the Houdini of feline escape artists – even jumped off a balcony, Garbo lived Forever for her. Eliot lived to be 21 years. I forgot to mention – Eliot was born our one eyed princess. She was perfect. Cheers to you Eliot on Bastille Day & your Birthday. You will always be remembered. You were & are always going to be Special. – j.kiley ps. Your other Mom Shawn sends her love always.

❤ 💕 💓 💗 💞 🎂 💖 ♠ ♥ ♦ ♣ 👑 💫 💨 ⌚ 🎩 🍔 🌌 🎢 🌈 🌠

Film View: “Memory 2.0”

“Memory 2.0”  Written and Directed Dugan O’Neal

Memory 2.0 is a love-story set in a not too distant future world where virtual reality is employed by memory simulation services to help their customers relive moments in the past. Memory 2.0 takes us on an emotional journey through the protagonist’s fragile mind. Written by director Dugan O’Neal, starring Jena Malone and actor Wilson Bethel, Memory 2.0 introduces us to a vision of the future more interested in character and sentiment then special effects.

Memory 2.0 tells the story of Henry, a man desperate to hold on to his most precious mental souvenirs by reliving them through a futuristic simulation tool. Overly frequent visits down memory lane are starting to prove hazardous for our love-seeking protagonist. Crossing lines between reality and the virtual memories are beginning to blur, but Henry decides to make one last desperate attempt to connect with his lost love.

Memories are a popular theme in science-fiction film making. Taking on the subject of mental recollection is often prominent in Sci-fi features in today’s world of film making. This short compares to the feature film “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” but plays on the opposite results. In Sunshine, the point is to erase the memories, where Memory 2.0 is more a film about holding on to memories instead of deleting them. O’Neal touches on the fear many of us have considered – memory loss. Some memories, sure we want them to go away. But what about the one’s we want to remember. As our lives pass by, memories are often our most precious keepsakes, but what happens if they start to fade? How far would we go to keep them close to the surface and even relive their echoes from the past?

We all have both kinds of memories but sometimes we need to recall both sides. But in this case, the memories that mean the most to us, that slip further away each day we move further away from when they happened, makes us feel they are abandoning us or we are letting them go. When in actuality, we want them back. If we could just have that special moment back, what would we do to reach it and hold on to it forever? That is the question, I believe, this film is asking us.  jkm

Private Writings #65 – “I Said Hello You Said Goodbye”

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

“I Said Hello You Said Goodbye”
Private Writings #65
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 10th June 2014

Not Suitable For Children.

Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #65. — “I Said Hello You Said Goodbye”

Tuesday 2nd December 2008

Dear Annie,

Tell me what it is to be sexually attracted to someone whether you are a lesbian or straight. I feel so fucked up and suicidal right now and overwhelmed with anxiety. Confusion fills my mind. I need to draw from something sane to stabilize myself.

Something wants to take over my body or thoughts. It could be the voice I feel is coming from a ghost.

There has also been something very bizarre occurrences of objects moving, sudden winds, books fall off shelves, rather more like books being thrown off bookshelves and desks by invisible forces. The aberration has been very angry today and quite destructive. It’s either a ghost or my telekinetic energy mad as hell and sending out tremendous amounts from a negative energy flow, causing waves of the power to move objects and send them sailing.

It is odd but I have no feelings. I’ve shut them down. I may be trying to escape but I can’t. My life won’t leave me alone. It demands attention. It doesn’t like being all fucked up. My life is always with me no matter where I try to escape or into what insane state of mind that I produce. All the shit will still be here facing me down. There’s far too much pressure for me to handle safely. I have cracked in many vulnerable places. They feel like they could blow my mind away at any moment in & outside of time. I believe the rest of what is “me” would disappear with it.

For a quick moment, I would like to profess or confess, I HATE MY FAMILY, the part that tried destroying me. The pedophiles who forced me into experiencing their perverse needs and desires. They satisfied them on me. Stealing my innocence inside of their perversions. Presently, my gut feels like they have cut my insides open in order to watch me fall out & splatter over everything & everywhere. It is the most disgusting display of gross intentions.

I am Humpty Dumpty & no matter how hard I have tried, No One Seems To Be Able To Succeed In Putting Me Back Together Again. Nor Will They Ever, I Feel. Hope feels lost amongst the ruins of my once intricately commanding mind. I have failed or haven’t succeeded beating them back enough, far away from my center of being. Their corruption has infected me & I haven’t found there is a cure for the poisons they possess.

If I could have the dream life I wished for, not much would change. I love my new family. I never see the old one. The grandparents I love are gone. My grandmother is with me, inside every part of me, especially my heart & soul. She lifts me up into the sky to soar while I dream. When I am awake, my Muse & my grandmother are quite the pair when they work on me together. Sparks fly out of my fingers as I type on the keyboard. As the words appear on the page, I can see the flames licking the screen & feel their warmth caressing the meaning from out of the free flowing air around us. It is quite mystical & pixelated when those two are involved.

What I don’t understand is why was I born if life were only here to crush me? I feel my chest taking in air & the pain engulfs me. Something punches my body while I sleep. It feels like I lose every battle on any night they’re out to batter me. Who “they” are, I would conjecture they are “EVIL” & belong to the deepest Blackness where demons hide out in the Dark. I was born Good & it has always been necessary to try to destroy that strong element inside of me. But I am a fighter with a strength coming from the Unknown, which seems to want me to win the battle. All of the Battles, even if it feels like I have already lost & resigned.

Can’t wait to see your face looking back at me. I need to see your eyes. They give me strength & kindness. I need to be close to you & want you to hold me. Make me a promise, never to let me go.

Time for Group Therapy. We are talking about what we Feel is Real Today. What the Fuck is Real? It doesn’t exist. Reality. It is what is the Illusion. Fantasy & Imagination Are the True World while We Are Awake. HELL is where We Live when We Trip through Our Own Private Dreams. The Theory that the World Is Watching Is Only A Way To Jerk the Trolls of Nightmares Around into Believing in the Fake Reality. The One that Is Presented to Us through the Faux Media. It Is All A Manipulated Illusionary Perception We Are Meant To Believe In.

I will leave that last thought with you to Ponder. Maybe she [Me] has lost her mind somewhere in the swamp of Hell & Fire.

Don’t worry I am still here somewhere inside of my own mind.

Will write more soon.

Just How Many More Days Do I Have To Count Until I Am Released From My Own Private Prison?

Love Fondly,



© Madison Taylor 2008

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

negative of le chateau de rocher by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie
Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

Private Writings: Chapter #62 – “Act Natural Be GAY”

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013“Act Natural Be GAY”

Private Writings: Chapter #62

Written by Jennifer Kiley

Posted On Tuesday 20th May 2014

Not Suitable For Children.
All Characters Are Fictitious.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

Crypticistic Synopsis

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #62 — “Act Natural Be GAY”

Tuesday 11th November 2008

Dear Annie,

I don’t speak his name. The last time I saw him he leaned into give me a kiss. I thought it would of course be innocent. A male parental figure was standing very nearby. He could see anything if there was anything to see. My guard was down. Never expecting him to do what was the last time he physically touched me. It was inappropriate what he did. Some may think tame. I felt disgusted. It was a lean in for a kiss on the cheek & turned into a full frontal assault. He grabbed at my breasts with one hand & with the other, he had his open palm hard up against the back of my head. What the fuck just happened?

He forced himself onto me. His tongue tried to push its way inside of my mouth. It felt awkward. I pushed him away & laughed off his assault. When I left that day, years ago, it was the last time I was ever physically in his presence again. Seeing him gives me nightmares & I see him in my dreams. It seems I get regular visits from the undead when I am sleeping. And now I see them in window glass, reflecting back at me. it shook me up seeing her face.

I think she is watching me. Maybe it is her punishment for her unbecoming not like parent’s behavior at all. She must see how I have been since I have left them behind. College & psychotherapy have saved me. So has smoking weed. It calms down my nerves. Helps me be able to talk to one person at a time. Not one for large gatherings. More so now. I love my quiet time to write & paint.

I want to know what it feels like to love someone without ever having experienced any of the abuse & punishment I had to endure. Add onto the degree of treachery in my childhood, I am surprised I never succeeded at killing myself. Suicide is with me all the time. It may take time off for some quiet time but the depression and suicidal thoughts & feelings circulate my senses whenever I come off of a manic phase. Presently I am manic. I don’t get it. What is it that Scottie is experiencing with me when she tells me I am manic. I know what depression probably looks like. It is awful to feel it. I’ve grown accustomed to the music I want to hear when I am going down under into the darkness. The music is essential. It is my companion among the walking dead.

When I am not depressed, I do not want to ever die. If I could find a cure for Death, I would certainly use it. One exception, the pain, it would have to exist on a reasonable level of endurance. I would want to feel pleasure & to give pleasure. I would want my sexual creatures who spook me away from touch & hugging & kissing. It is not that I don’t enjoy being touched by a woman I love, it is my not being able to give the completeness of love to her or to myself while I am with someone I would want to make love to in as free a fashion as possible. I love the sensation of my body being aroused. It is the release that brings on all the problems & rejections & turning cold at the touch of anyone who tried to make love to me. Maybe I make love to them or I am just trying to bring them some kind of satisfaction, knowing eventually I will be a failure & the lady I have strong feelings for will just suddenly disappeared as quickly as she appeared in my life.

What am I really afraid to tell you Annie? Why am I hiding away from facing you? I know why. I have been pushing my physical feelings for you down. I believe I am in love with you. I desire everything about you. Your voice melts the nerves inside my body & I want so much just to be held in your arms. And if you would allow, I would love to hold you close to me.

If I fantasized on what I would want from you, I would say, I would want to love you. To find the formula inside of you to bring me out of the shell I have been trapped in from the moment the first wrong person did things to me that made me feel ashamed & frightened.

I thought the first time, he might kill me. I heard later on when I was older that some of the places my abusers would take me were remote. There were never any people around except myself & the abuser of choice my male parental unit would assign me to take care of.

He made connections using me. The people that used me sexually were important men. They had power. If anyone ever were to find out what they were doing to me, they would kill me. I don’t imagine that, it was the kind of threat I received all the time. One time I made a pedophile so angry when I wanted him to stop. When he didn’t I threatened to go to the police. They would stop them all.

His rage came flying out. He held tightly to my throat with his right hand & his left hand was held up to punch me in the face. I stood my ground as solid as I could. He told me if he ever heard me use any kind of threat like that again, he would kill me. He said that sex from children was easy to find. I wasn’t his only sex toy.

This made me feel sick to my stomach. It felt like I was going to die. I was trapped inside this shit by my own semen donor. He was such a filthy pig & still is. Now he’s just trying to steal my inheritance from my grandmother. No relation to my A.I. She hated him but had no idea what he was making me do.

I was a sex slave to anything he wanted me to do. And my shadow mother was the torturer. The two together made Caligula look like an innocent yet still a madman.

It was a true den of iniquity. No one knew what anyone else was doing. I lived in a den of snakes of the poisonous kind. The poison didn’t kill me but it made me blind to my senses. I lost the ability to tell reality from madness. What does one do when most of their childhood was filled with evil from bad men & women?

I have been working on getting better most of my life after 19. That’s when I started therapy & have been in & out of new therapists’ offices ever since.

I want you to stay around for a long time. I need you in my life so don’t abandon me. Please be the exception.

I wanted you to do me a favor. Since I have missed so many of the meetings of the new trauma group you run with a new therapist to me. I love her name, “Maria Garcia Falcón.” I definitely am going to be back as soon as I am able to walk out of Redcliff. I really miss certain people more than others. I miss you. I miss Maria. She is always so good to me & understanding. It really feels like Maria gets me.

Enough for now. Just please root for me Annie. I want to go home. My babies are going to be so annoyed with me, they probably won’t let me pet them when I do get home, just to punish me. No, they are not the vindictive types. They are quite Zen our sweet babies.

Love & Hugs

© Madison Taylor 2008

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker

Red Calla Lily Aranal Flower

Red Calla Lily Aranal Flower

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

negative of le chateau de rocher by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013Le Chateau de Rocher [Home to Madison & Scottie – their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana