“Lost In Time”
Private Writings #80
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 23rd September 2014
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.
private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst
I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts
to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss
but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.
see you down the rabbit hole.
Private Writings: Chapter #80 — “Lost In Time”
Tuesday 17th March 2009
How could you do this now? I find you to be so warm and what you’ve done & doing is so cold. You hold & control the love and I am left freaking out, with a heart that finds it hard to beat. What promises you made about never leaving me. I asked you two weeks ago, rather persistently if you were going away. I had the strongest psychic thoughts invading my mind. And you swore I was imagining what I felt. Turning on me by saying I was being delusional. You would rather play on my meltdown to make me think i was being crazy.
No matter what you do to me I will always, love you still & for always. I would go anywhere to be with you. You’re my favorite addiction. Just being in your presence.
You told me I couldn’t follow. It was too far. I guess when someone, somewhere is hiding in Europe makes it difficult. So you are joining your husband the spy. If he’d disappeared I’d be more sympathetic. But his whereabouts are just top secret. Our relationship is top secret. At least, for you, it is. I know you have deep feelings for me. I feel it in your presence. I can’t walk away from how good you make me feel. I don’t know how you could desert me, knowing how you truly feel. Don’t try hiding your intense love. I feel it.
You are blind to even see how I feel for you. I am crazy for you. And I think you lie when you won’t admit you feel as passionate. this is all a sick joke of a nightmare. Adding insult to it all, there is no contact, both sides. We both suffer . You are going to be tortured more.
I have the control when this abstinence is finished. Do you feel or imagine I’ll run into your arms. I think my heart is what you want. You’ve never met a woman like me. I am like you & we are rare.
Last time. Last chance. Goddess, I love you, but you are being a bitch. I’m trying to drive you away. I can’t bear what I am feeling. I just want to die. Go away now. I can’t ever look into your eyes again.
If you ever return, I don’t know what I would do. I know I’m not doing so well now.
I hope you & your daughter stay safe over there. I won’t stop loving you, you know that. You’re under my untouchable skin & my heart is really breaking. I just want to kill myself. You will be gone forever.
My only hope is the 2 years are short. And I’ll take you at your word, anything is possible. If you’re here, I will be.
I will keep writing. Share my feelings and thoughts. Tell you what goes down.
I can’t do this anymore. You won’t ever see these letters. Not ever again. I can speak openly. It feels like you died so suddenly. I will hold onto your spirit.
If I must say goodbye and though I don’t want to, I will just have to do it.
Goodbye. Saying this brings tears to my eyes. The shadow’s beatings don’t frighten me away from my feelings for you. I will cry for you my love.
Ps. No more letters for you to read but I will write anyway. To you or to someone imaginary.
© Madison Taylor 2008
“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker
Maksim – Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry[Dedicated to Annie]
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor