“Don’t Hide Your Love”
Private Writings #69
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 8th July 2014
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.
private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst
I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts
to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss
but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.
see you down the rabbit hole.
Private Writings: Chapter #69 — “Don’t Hide You Love”
Tuesday 30th December 2008
Am I wrong in telling you I love you? It is difficult to keep my feelings to myself. I feel I am being dishonest by not telling you the truth. Please accept I mean no harm to our relationship. You are so sensitive & you seem to understand me. Even if you don’t feel the same, it wouldn’t stop me feeling the intensity of emotions I hold inside every part of me.
You have become my latest fantasy & I hope what I feel for you is true for you, also. It would be confusing to me on what to do. I cannot prevent the way your eyes speak words to me no one else can hear. It was my secret but now it is ours. For the present I know what my feelings are, but I don’t know if you feel frightened by them. I would just like you to feel a portion of what I feel. I know you’re married and have a young teenage daughter.
Maybe you aren’t aware of what you’re feeling. They lie deep below the surface. They could be hiding while they grow. It is a huge step to discover having feelings for someone of the same sex & add to that she is your client. That is verboten. Not by me, though. I would love for you to love me in the way loving you makes me feel.
Is it impossible for you to acknowledge the possible, though it crashes up against your psychotherapist’s code? I will wait until the moment arrives when we are free & it will be okay to express what we truly feel.
For now you can tell me I am simply experiencing a natural reaction to therapy. If you want to believe that, let it be your truth, feel that way for now. I will hold our secret until it can be revealed. I am not nuts. My feelings are real. Maybe they will be real for you someday. I feel inside my heart, you feel toward me a shade of what I feel for you. Remember, I am psychic.
Now, I feel it is an important time for me to speak this awareness of truth. The experience is an overload of extremely intense feelings 0f love for you. I am sure what I feel inside me is love for you.
Don’t worry that I will let these feelings interfere with our therapeutic relationship. I miss you and I love you, Annie, but most of all I need you to be my psychoanalyst first.
Maybe I am missing you & everyone I love, but they have to deal with missing me & they are worried after I tried suicide to rid myself of the darkness. It doesn’t, you know. Trying to commit suicide just makes me feel more depressed & it doesn’t solve anything except getting me locked up in Redcliff to protect me from myself. It has taken away my medical marijuana. That fucks with my head more then trying suicide. I’m not so scary anymore & I have no plans of repeating myself with an encore performance. It sucks to be locked up to protect me from myself. I don’t need that protection any longer.
I WANT OUT OF HERE. IT’S MAKING ME CRAZY MORE THAN THE REAL WORLD. Think about that Annie. You are my psychoanalyst & must have some say in my incarceration in a psychiatric facility. I am feeling more & more claustrophobic. I need my own place, where I feel secure. Well, maybe a bit less secure. But if I don’t get home soon & correct these insecure feelings, I may never feel safe anywhere, ever again.
SO PLEASE BREAK ME OUT OF HERE. Please speak to Dr. V. Convince her I am ready to go home. I must go home. Something awful is going to happen if I don’t. I feel danger in every fiber of my being. Trust me when I tell you this. My sensitivities are experiencing an overload of negative energy. I feel the world, my world is about to Explode.
I need to stop what is coming. I think & feel I am the only one who can.
Goodnight for now as I wade through the overwhelming thoughts of a catastrophic event about to occur.
Ps. I am extremely worried. You must help me, Annie.
© Madison Taylor 2008
“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker
Maksim – Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry[Dedicated to Annie]
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor