WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT
Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.
private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst
I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts
to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss
but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.
see you down the rabbit hole.
Private Writings: Chapter #67 — “Twisting Inside Shouting Out Loud”
Tuesday 16th December 2008
If I don’t know who I am, how will I know what I should do?
I have been writing non-stop except for sleep, creating a variety of ideas for my play. I’m rather exhausted. But can’t stop needing to create.
I have been having these phrases popping up inside my head. I finally wrote them down on a blank page on WORD. I am going to use them as the beginning of a scene.
I have to believe I am not going to grow old inside this weird mind melting place. Just wiser and I will only allow them to take a touch of my madness. I will need and use the rest for myself.
I think I am about to write you one of my more in sane letters, much more in sane.
I found a bloody good twist for the play. “Far more things occur in dark spaces and from the other side than we are aware of.” My own quote, made it up just now. Play on one of Shakespeare’s lines. Did a few modifications.
It keeps me up late, thinking about my play. I want to find the exact words & to keep my characters to as few lines as possible & still contain what my story is meant to be. What it is that I am trying to say with all the words I give the actors.
I was searching for songs last night to inspire me. Listened to great stuff & found the pieces of music I was looking for. One song stood out. I listened to it repeatedly. Doing that takes me to the zone. It lifts me up and gives my subconscious something to work out for me, and when the Muse is ready, she feeds me what I am going to do.
The play is meant to be about love – the strongest most powerful energy in the universe. It is also about love that is going to slip away. Knowing it is going to happen before anyone else does, even the person it is going to happen to.
How would you like to have that ability? The power to know things before they happen to other people. My play has an element of that contained within it. Don’t want to give too much a way. You have to see it performed on stage to find out what happens. This is only the second process I am in now. Living life was the first. The second is fictionalizing my experiences with what I’ve learned from living. There is a third & eventually a sequel which will lead me into the fourth part, writing the screenplay. That may end the process or open up into another world.
I may be sounding vague but I like to be a mystery. Mysterious. It is what keeps me alive – wondering & trying to understand what is inside what we don’t know or ever will know while we are mortal.
Since I am mortal, I would like to ask the question Why. Why am I talking to ghosts and they are returning their side of the conversation. I may think a long time before I decide whether you will ever see any of this letter. I will be honest just the same.
I see dead people. I use to say I saw dead people when I was asleep. But now they have decided to visit me when I am trying to get back my sanity. After my group sessions or after I’ve met with Dr. V. They even interrupt me when I am writing to you. Tosh may not know you but Angie sure does. She has been hanging around you until she found me & Dr. George.
I need sleep, so I am going to finish this letter tomorrow, unless I wake up in the middle of the night. Sleeping here without my weed is making my insomnia unbearable. When I do sleep it is just tossing the covers all over. When my eyes open in an attempt to view the world to see if it is still here, I find myself completely twisted up in the covers like I was playing B & D.
Chin Chin Annie. I will think of you as I try to fall asleep. Your face will calm me. If I hear your voice, it would just add to my calmness.
© Madison Taylor 2008
“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor