Real Dreams #20

Real Dreams
By Jennifer Kiley
Trans-graphics Created by j. kiley
11.19.12
November Month of the Verse 30 days 30 verses #20

linfinite qui augmente by j. kiley

Real Dreams
By jk
Revised 10th December 2015

real dreams – did you know quest is contained in the word question
when we are still toddlers our favorite word is why
quest is our new why – our new adventure – my quest is to find out why
what is the meaning – what is the truth – beyond belief – the unknown?
what we cannot see – I don’t mean in the dark
or is the dark where the unknown hides
a most reasonable question – i think it is
why can’t we know the truth?
is the brain not big enough to hold the extent of the truth?
jack Nicholson’s answer: “you can’t handle the truth.”
he could actually be right – how close is he? –
is it the same for not being able to pronounce dr. who’s given name?

a friend quoted on their blog the obviously invisible word
that quest lies in the word question – how i missed that all these years
well i decided after reading that i wanted to take on this challenge
and maybe for the rest of my life to be on a quest doesn’t seem to be absurd
a quest could be what you want – let’s call it a dream
what do you want to discover – what do you seek
i want to know about the characters i write
presently, in my script “coming to a dream”
how it will turn out in the end – how they make it from the beginning
why does my protagonist care?
why does she feel in so much pain?
She gets haunted by a spirit – feels she could be insane

i want to know what my characters’ think
i want to know what they feel and what they drink
if they’re stoners – what’s their drug of choice
what makes them chose their paths in life?
how were their lives changed?
how do they fall in love?
are they gay or plain strange?

i’m not supposed to use the word straight
my therapist frowns down upon it
though she is such a stickler for her words
for getting her words right
she’d like to find a better one
like lesbian and gay something right
it is a quest although it’s small
it is important to search out the fight
everyone wants an acceptable label
a word that’s comfortable when spoken
a good word for all to use
i’m working on it – what can i do
have others thoughts on my mind
for me to give it my full time

a quest i’d like to discover
is deep down what’s driving me
i am exhausted now
i can feel my pain
nothing seems to interest me
except to write – create artwork – watch tv
go to therapy and doctor too

spend time with my partner
nothing holds my interest more
but for me
i’m too distracted easily

i don’t like to sleep
but my body needs it
i don’t like to eat
but my body feeds it
interested in art
creativity
special causes
certain friends
one i have in mind
can’t live without her
we would be fine
understands my soul
keeps me losing my mind

my partner’s fine
I need her
she needs her friends too
we bend and take
special people too
both agree
just a friend
never a lover be
we’re closer than
friends tend to be
but friends we are
very close
like to believe
what she means to me

worry for my friends
my mental state too
pressure inside
too much to feel
feeling strained
i’m in pain
losing a special friend
feeling my mind slip
get to see her
if it works out
won’t go like others did
time to talk it out
long talks will be over
won’t be connected
in her new job
checking me for cancer
never done before
changing our relationship
how will it feel
the first time before she leaves
the last time i see her
months will pass us by
run to her arms to greet her

on my quest to get through changes
one of my future quests indeed
the others quests lay in writing
about some romantic fantasies
i get to play with my brand new toys
keep up writing my poetry
come up with more challenges for me
that will be fun and sometimes serious
a good blend we’ll have to see

we’ll see about our future
as the old year’s end is near
make some new year’s resolutions
maybe this year i’ll give up fear
i know this may sound unusual
but my main goal i want to try
is to get in touch with my deeper feelings
and learn again just how to cry
releasing my true emotions
let the pain go from my past
free myself to write deep stories
face my demons and not give them a pass
they don’t stand a bloody chance
i have many guardian angels
who are definitely on my side
they can dance circles to enclose me
a magical mystical chant
finding quests i’m going to try

© Jennifer Kiley 2012

loiseau de couleurs vole haut by j. kiley
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9vBKR8K4wQ
all i have to do is dream-rita wilson am/fm

 

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