Did It Ever Happen To You? A Love Story #6

Did It Happen To You?
A Love Story
By Jennifer Kiley
November-Month of the Verse 30 days 30 verses #6

living inside of bubbles with flowers they burst and reality touches your soul

Did it happen to you?
By Jennifer Kiley
11.05.12 #6

did it happen to you?
it was a house warming
thrown for friends
i opened the door
she stood before me
right next to my friend
i knew without knowing
every move i registered
every place and person
she experienced that night
whether she noticed me
beyond our eyes as they met
it was a long gaze
just the right amount
for a memory to recall
the most of someone
after the first moment
being met
she was registered
tucked away for future

it seemed destiny
that brought us together
for her a new city
but drawn to activities
that actively involved me
a gay-lesbian radio show
a women’s center role
a group of lesbians
all places I would go
we ran into the other
on common ground
as though it were planned
secretly or serendipity
it was more than we knew

people kept asking
did i find her attractive
i didn’t want to say
I wasn’t sure I knew
or admitted to myself
to give any evidence
that in future could
be misunderstood
incriminate myself
discriminate myself
i wanted options of denial
i only just ended
a sticky breakup
and quick to start over
in a new relationship

my luck-with a confused
newbie lesbian
who couldn’t commit
to her identity
as cold as it may sound
I loved to kiss her
but didn’t want to teach her
or wait for my life to continue
while she figured out hers
aside from the facts
she wouldn’t take my calls
I felt rejected
I waited
sent presents
not a word
from her direction

just wanted to know
what she felt
and from what she had said
she had a desire for me
or a love attraction
but i had it enough
with straight women
thinking they might be gay
it was a fad
a phase
and it felt like
she wanted to use me
to find out which way she went
I must admit she hurt me
And she did come back
But far too late after all
I thought she did desert me
And now my availability was gone

let’s go back and remember
there was this amazing woman
who definitely knew who she was
she was an artist-a playwright
a wordsmith of the supreme kind
unique in her identity
she could be the one
was she the one
a thought buried
deep inside of me
a secret kept from her
and from the world

there was this problem you see
something huge stood between her and me
this dream woman had an even
bigger complication than who she was to be
she lived with and loved a friend of mine
I couldn’t move forward not this time
though my feelings felt her to be truly divine
those feelings had no right to see or to feel the rhyme
she mustn’t know how I cared for her so
the feelings needed to stay in the darkness
and live there quietly
no one could know
not even me
and no one could see
the secret I had
to hide deep inside of me

but every day I got closer
this divine creature drove me mad
my desire grew in proportion
to each day and night that we couldn’t have
she had mesmerized me
my resistance grew weaker
I needed to share my feelings with her
and to discover if her feelings would concur

now at that time we hadn’t dreamed
my friend had another woman hiding
that she loved and kept to herself
a well-kept secret from us and the whole town
to think of it makes my heart bleed
with an anger of betrayal for denying my need
I felt tortured and denied my being in love
thought I was betraying my friend
with my feelings so wrong
when all the time we denied our love
she played games with her all along

we dumped guilt on our feelings
to make what we shared appear bad
so what could we do but deny our connection
we wouldn’t touch or hold hands
we would hide any glances of love
which caused such deep pain inside
the pressure was horrendous
what we felt we must hide and deny
but our feeling broke through
one night while we danced
the heat from our bodies so close
lit the room up in flames
there was no denying
what burned between us
would always remain
there was no more hiding
we could see on her face
the secret was over
we felt in disgrace

we were like magnets together
when she walked into a room
it took all powers of the goddess
to hold me back from her side
we spent a short moment together in time
there was poetry written and shared
blizzards to walk through
just to deliver my poem of rhyme
passionate displays in letters
handed off secretly
it happened at a party
I had no invite
but I crashed anyway
i was out of favor
a threat to the couple celebrating
the woman i was falling for
and a woman called friend
what i know now i would tear
that treaty to pieces
bring end to the charade
claim the deception
and walk out together
hand in hand

she deceived us
made us both look like fools
home wreckers were her tools
and yet i held back from any action
i didn’t try to kiss her
or hold her hand in mine
we sat a distance apart
our bodies did not touch when we spoke
even though agony crushed our bones
our souls held our strong feelings firm
our desires and longings
i wanted her
to feel her near
to fall asleep in her lap
as she read me some tales
of dreams coming true
i wanted that for us
free from guilt
feeling we somehow
were betrayers of honour
which i would never do

why is it so hard for people
to be direct and honest
don’ t break some ones heart
when you know it’s a lie
we were feeling true love
which we were forced to deny
we were meant to meet
and be together
she stole that from us
the newness of love
that feeling for us was stolen
taken from us
when all the time
she had someone else
her love life to share

she deceived us
she turned our friends against us
they thought i was a thief
a thief of the heart
when really she left her
long before she was through
she brought my love to town
a generosity it’s true
finding someone for the two of us
i’d like to believe this the best
that once a friend could really do

but then she wouldn’t have thrown
her out so coldly-so callously
in the middle of the night
i was very joyed that she was free
but felt her pain in that slight
she knew she could turn to me
she could come live with me
I could hold her in my arms
And comfort her through the night

she hurt us all
withholding the truth
she could have spared
so many so much pain

our love was united
but where we lived then
didn’t feel like home again
felt ashamed of our friends
it had all been spoiled
by lies and changes
we just couldn’t go back
so we decided to move away
to a new place-a new state
and build a new life together
and be happy ever after

this was not an ending
just the beginning
a new story begins right here
in another location
which is where we’ll live on
ever more
ever more

© Jennifer Kiley 2012

Beatles-In My Life

One thought on “Did It Ever Happen To You? A Love Story #6

  1. “I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.” ~ Cassandra Clare ~ Clockwork Prince


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