The Cycle – a poem

First the name of your blogging site started out intriguing me “Bipolar as a Characteristic not an identity” and your poem is quite good and creates an image too familiar to me and the cycle never stops. My s/o and I were just talking about that. I start the night writing and go into a high and ride the roller coaster up into the sky and as the new day begins I come crashing down again. only today, is one of those days that I am up and not going to bed so i will probably crash sometime today but not before putting in a call to my therapist, who i found out is not available for another hour. So I am looking for something to connect to and I found this site and poem and it has drawn my attention away from feeling how depressed i was getting and how i am slipping down into a rather deep depression with a side of the beginnings of a possible freak out. I don’t want to let go or lose it. I don’t usually lose it if I can stop that from happening. Read the poem and hear what goes on inside of a bipolar’s head at any given time. Holding onto meaning and feeling nothingness are on the same team causing conflict and confusion where ever they go. Staying at the high point only lasts just so long. I tried to keep it up but it is the other side’s turn to rule. I only can be who I am and that constantly changes without asking me if I want it to. Not saying I don’t have control, I am saying there is no such thing as control when it comes to bipolar. I’d be a fool to believe otherwise. It is all a delusion to think so highly of ones ability. J.K. the secret keeper

Adventures from the North to the South Pole

This is a poem the describes my feelings of life.

The Cycle

Clouds of words drift
Slowly picking up speed
Drinking up water from below
Water filled with emotions
These clouds become too heavy
The rain begins with no mercy
Pouring down ideas, thoughts, & screams
The clouds are empty
The ground is now wet with confusion
Confusion sinks into the soil
Sprouts up is the fruit of pain
Regret, Anxiety, fatigue, & nothingness
This cycle never stops

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5 thoughts on “The Cycle – a poem

  1. Thank you! I feel the same way you feel, it is a roller coaster, but one with defeat at the end. The therapist will tell you ” Don’t go too high!”, but they don’t understand what it’s like to be up there among the clouds! Your words spoke to me… When you crash I will be just a blog away… Make sure you reach out if it gets too bad.

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    • Your words carried me through the day. I want to say that I am also only a blog away. I am a night writer-cute-so always awake at night except maybe tonight, Haven’t really slept going on 37 hours now. With a short lapse where I was lulled into a state of short unconsciousness. I felt someone reaching out to wake me but no physical presence was there but I had a sudden need to wake up and open my laptop. I realized I was missing my friend on the radio. I was pretty out of it but it was important to me to hear his show. Remember my words as I will remember yours. I did check out your blog. It will be okay. Writing about whatever you want really does make a difference to yourself but also others who read your words. As your words have done for me today. I understand. Do you believe in serendipity? I think meeting you today (actually) yesterday now, was meant to happen. Whether you realize it or not you were one of the people who rescued me today. So thank you. I am okay now. Just need a good nights sleep. J.K.

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    • How you perform your magic way like the Santana song but in this case white magic. I woke at that moment and immediately opened my laptop thinking I was missing Claudio’s show. It is playing now on replay. Everyone is all around me. I fought off the crash with words. When I see Carol, my doc, I always write out what I want to talk about with her. We always go way beyond the medical. That is included, though. But today I tried to explain that September had some really intense moments. Some quite profound and exciting, also. I feel what is in my heart. It is quite powerful. Maybe a Dragon will fly me over the Highlands while I sleep tonight. Talked a great deal this evening with my s/o. She was trying to clarify things for me to help me sort out what I was feeling. She sees things I don’t. We made dinner together, just we had different food but it was fun. We don’t do that often enough. Our teen kids are getting destructive during the middle of the night so she didn’t get much sleep either. I feel happy for all in Scotland. You more than deserve that. Look forward to sharing with you. Curious. I feel connected. No worries. I do need to face checking to see if I still have some of my writing still intact, especially the screenplay I have been working on. Afraid to find out if it is there or not. s/o said if i find it is not then i can start from the beginning and write it even better than before. I do know it practically by heart. I reworked it so many times. Thank you for contacting me when you did. I will find a way to let you know how important that was. I promise. Do you feel the difference? A.L. J.K. 4U

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