At Home with Self
Yesterday, Sept. 26th was someone special’s birthday. We were close for just over 4 years and one day she disappeared from my life. Not because of anything that I did but due to circumstances beyond my control and of necessity for her. I started writing a memoir of our time together. A study, in effect, to record what was our relationship and what were the results of going through the loss of someone that meant such a great deal to me. I am going to engage in a ritual which will help to release this woman from my life as our relationship once was and how I reacted to her leaving.
This may not be easy but let us begin:
I am letting go of the woman who was once my anchor.
I am letting go of the woman who was not herself with me.
I am letting go of the woman in me who was not courageous enough to be able to let her go.
I am letting go of the woman in me who was ruled by fear.
I am letting go of the woman who searched for validation from without from the woman I knew then and I am going to let that woman go.
I am letting go of the woman who thought she had nothing, when she always had everything.
I am letting go of the woman who looked to others to tell her what should move her.
I am letting go of the woman who looked to others to tell her that what moved her was real.
I am letting go of the woman who thought she could never get back to being thin again.
I am letting go of the woman who let her thoughts and her emotions rule over her life
I am letting go of the woman who was not confident enough to believe in herself as a writer and to be confident enough to tell other people that she was a writer.
I am letting go of that woman who didn’t have confidence in herself.
I am letting go of the woman who didn’t believe she was attractive enough for other people to see that in her.
I am letting go of the woman who could live her life without other people giving her support.
I am letting go of the person who was too proud to reach out for help when she needed help and support whenever she felt like she was falling apart.
I am letting go of the person who was so preoccupied with the past that she couldn’t see her present abundance.
I am letting go of the person who was so obsessed with creating a perfect future.
I am letting go of the woman who was reluctant to be a teacher, a mentor, a guide, and a leader, a woman who would have given anything NOT to be a spiritual warrior.
I am letting go of the woman who didn’t trust herself, didn’t believe in herself, and didn’t have the courage to follow her dreams full force, even though everyone else thought she was good at what she was doing.
I acknowledge that self and give her permission to let go and grow toward her future.
She was vital to me because she helped me survive, and she made me the woman I am today
But her ghost limits me and haunts me. She must be allowed to rest so that I can be at peace.
Today, I let go of all the old behaviors that limited me. Those old behaviors that had me always punishing myself and never celebrating myself.
Today, I let go of the thoughts that stopped me. The thoughts that said nothing I did ever worked. The thoughts that said nothing was ever going to improve. The thoughts that said dark times last indefinitely and will not just going to go away.
Today, I let go of the doubts and become the someone I clearly am.
Today, I let go of everything that is clearly toxic, and unhealthy.
Today, I let go of all those thoughts that were clearly untrue.
Today, I become the spiritual warrior as I was always meant to be.
I head now into truth, love and light, and I vow to always be available to those who need me.
Today Jennifer rises.
And, hopefully, today, all will rise with her.
This was today’s letting go ritual.
If who you were keeps haunting you, then maybe it is time to let her go. Perform the ritual. State clearly that, today, you let go of past behaviors. Say all of this out loud to yourself and imagine who you were being allowed to let go as you do this.
Once you have let go, allow the new you to finally rise.
Abstraction In Colour
An American Idol Winner
Now whether this will be effective, it is a good set of mantras to listen to that might help deal with the other influences inside my mind who do not listen to anything I have to say.
~the secret keeper~