I’m Fine/No, I’m Crazy

I’m Fine/No, I’m Crazy
by Jennifer Kiley
8.24.12

Streaming Face of Many Colours

I’m Fine/No, I’m Crazy

one moment laughing
intellectualizing ideas
joking

how stupid is he?
that women’s bodies
when raped have a magic
no pregnancy possible

is that the dumbest
statement ever made?

who speaks such ignorance?

the man who thinks
men should govern
women’s bodies

no abortion for incest
nor for rape
pregnancy?
but that doesn’t happen

when has anyone heard
that a woman has gotten
pregnant from rape?
it’s impossible according
to a male jackass
in the US congress

moments later
that same night
losing control

is that real or madness?
i’m fine/no, i’m crazy

i am triggered
by unknown forces
unidentified circustances
losing identity
being invisible

all set in motion
flowing
reverberations
moving toward
running on their own power

your voice stops tracks
time freezes
words
stick in throat
they stutter
to the surface
blocked by censors
afraid the truth
or facts
are too volitile

non-sense
tortured memories
secrets and buried lies
hidden for years

that i will lose you
over their betrayal
that would make
the pain
unbearable

i freely give to you
your place of importance
i need it to be so
just give me your sound
let me hear your words
speak what’s in your heart
honesty is expected
you would not give
anything else

bravery
courage
a step closer to self
real identity portrayed
facade stripped away
ripped off the skin
of protection

finding acceptance
afraid it would be empty

not surprised
it’s what the bitch
mother would give

she is dead
but her talons reach out
they grab at my heart
want to squeeze life from it
make the pain unbearable
she will never allow me
to find love that is mine
if i do she would destroy it

you can feel her presence
wanting to crush
whatever good
i find

i found you
and she is not your match
you’d chase her away

but now i need to learn
how to stand tall
and force her away
force her to stay away
forever

never again
shall i let her curse me

that damn curse
it has to be broken
the need to cry
stolen when young

time for the tears
to flow again
releasing the pain
making room
for the joy

maybe i need to let go
not try to cry
just let it come

feel your friend’s pain
heal the hurt inside of her
take some of her burden
lighten her sadness
feel your sensitivity
share some of what she feels
help her to not despair

all the pain in the world
that she tries to heal
help her

be there for her
when she needs healing
in her soul

if she needs it
help her accept it

bless her love
care for her
as she cares for you

give up the crazy notions
that fuck up your mind
block your emotions
and keeps the spirit trapped

sleep as she requests
in the kindest of orders

think about her day
the one she’s working through
she needs good energy
to make her way

send love to her
caring feelings of warmth
that is sent from you

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNbXuFBjncw&w=670&h=407]
Yo-Yo-Ma—The Swan Saint-Saens

5 thoughts on “I’m Fine/No, I’m Crazy

    • i wasn’t sure if what i was feeling was crazy compared to what the rep. to congress was saying. now more serious. thank you. sometimes, you just don’t know what causes the shift in emotions. i’m glad we were able to connect. it is good to be honest with what you feel but it isn’t always clear whether it’s I’m Fine/No, I’m crazy. during some of those moments. I am fortunate to a have some good friends who help guide me along and i hope that i am able to do the same for them. at times life feels just like your on a roller coaster that is going to careen off the tracks but it doesn’t, at least that is what you are hoping for.

      I’m still knocked out about the photograph of that door.

      jennifer

      Like

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