Understanding

Understanding
Created By The Secret Keeper

Bear Cubs Hugging

understanding
by jennifer kiley
8.16.12

not giving up
though my moods
test every action
you’re not able to do
the ones that are complete
are beyond all my desires

you show in lettered symbols
how much you care
you reinforce our connection
even when you’re depleted
that’s when i grow up
and want to be
a present for you

it’s when i feel
your invisibility
i can’t sense your presence
magically you vanish
and not sensing you
makes the world feel empty

separation brings anxiety
others are with me inside
but it’s you i need
life comes alive
for me, with you

with you friendship
is really more then
i’ve ever known
not one person in my life
has understood me
with your patience
one-you don’t run away

my feelings aren’t perfect
though I’ve tried
and now I’ve lost interest
in perfection
i’d rather be creative
experimenting
endlessly
with all possibilities
and impossible dreams

you are
the creator of dreams
in mine you see
i don’t frighten
you away
with my continual
intensity

too powerful i am
most mortals cannot see
it takes too much energy
to take the time
to get to know me

at times i think
when able to feel
the positive
it goes beyond
intense energy
my high overwhelms
those around me
yet not me

i don’t notice
it’s unmanageable
that’s the bipolar
grandiosity
sometimes even i
believe i’m amazing

you won’t catch me
believing those thoughts
out loud
that’s when
the doubt sucks me in
too easily

in the first moment
i wrote these words
i felt damn
positive…

that’s the way
i wish i could be
all the moments
i am happy with me

ah, but there is
always the darkness
the dark side
the quicksand
with which to contend

it is so destructive
and demanding
it wants my life
and my soul
it forces chaos in me
to pull away
the words to stop

with all my strength
i deny the thief
its reward
my soul finds safety
from outreached words
written
as a loving reminder
NEVER will she walk away

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3m-GDx0J44&w=670&h=407]
Only Love Is Real-Melissa Etheridge

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12 thoughts on “Understanding

    • Wow, I don’t know exactly what to say but I am so humbled that i was able to reach you so closely. I write from my heart and soul when I create my poems or anything that I write. I try to be as honest as I am able to be. It is good that you are able to cry. I do hope that is okay. I am touched that you are so moved by my poem.

      Thank you for the Beautiful Blogger Award. I will stop by to pick it up. It is an honor that I will enjoy. Jennifer

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        • Looking forward to it. It is still hard to grasp the concept of effecting others with the words that do come from my heart. It is so good of you to share this with me that I do have this effect. It is a great reward, the words that you write to me. Thank you. Jennifer

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  1. I don’t know anyone who deserves the beautiful blogger award more that you do, Jennifer. What a wonderful poem. The quicksand swallows everything and leaves us nothing but despair. That is when we reach within to the light that is always waiting within…to that which will inspire and show the way.

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    • I find that light but it usually doesn’t appear until after I have fallen through the despair and get stuck in the quicksand. It pulls me down and further down. When I write and find the light in the words and discover this special friend I have inside my head who talks to me through her written words. Then the darkness starts to evaporate and then the light shines through. I feel exhausted but my friend is at the good end of the rainbow to reassure me of her presence. I find in her words something to hold onto. They have pulled me out of some of the darkest and most dangerous of places. I cannot tell you how many times she has rescued me. Knowing she is there sometimes is enough. But sometimes I need the actual in the real world contact. In my mind. it can feel like she is imaginary that is when I need a check with reality and I need contact with her. Writing to her in cryptic abstraction in my poetry helps me to communicate but i feel I keep from ovewhelming us all.

      I hate the quicksand. and despair. It feels unsurmountable at times. For the past few days I have felt it lifted. It is because I have had more contact with my special friend. That makes a difference to know I will be able to connect with her even if it is just for brief moments. Though we haven’t figured out yet how to keep them brief. But that is only temporary, I hope. Life can be crazy for everyone. We just need to help each other out of those bad places we all go to at times. Love helps and someone realizing we exist. a.l., jen

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    • I wasn’t avoiding what you said about the beautiful blogger award. I just feel shy about feeling deserving. It is new to me. And you reinforce my abilities to create. You know that I never felt that kind of encouragement. Your gift to me are your giving words that pull me forward and actually make me believe in myself, more and more. Thank you for being so generous with me. Jennifer ps. a.l., mj

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